I’m on top of the world (maybe)
Comments (...)My 6-year-old daughter and I got into a philosophical debate the other night. The more I think about it, the more I believe she won. I am telling this tale so other fathers with inquisitive young minds riding in the backseat just might learn a valuable lesson.
We were riding home from my sister’s house, and evidently, my daughter has been learning something about outer space from school, her friends or more than likely the same place I got most of my information when I was in first-grade – television. She asked me if I would like to go into outer space with her someday. I told her that she can go but that I’m a little past my prime as far as space travel goes. In addition, during the winter months, I pack on enough pounds that I develop my own gravitational pull, and that could knock the earth out of it’s orbit.
I then decided to blow her mind by telling her we were already in outer space. I explained to her that if you stop and think about it, space actually starts at the crust of the planet and works it’s way out from there. It’s up to each individual to define where they think that “outer” space begins. I define it at the bottom of my shoes.
Well I thought that answer ought to blow her little 6-year-old mind for a while, and I chuckled contentedly to myself as I prepared for a nice quiet ride home as she pondered my response. I should have known better.
Apparently this line of thinking sparked another question. “Do we live on top of the world, Dad?” I answered something to the effect that yes, we live in the Northern Hemisphere so in that way we do live on top of the world. She replied, “No, I mean do we live ‘on top’ of the world? We live on top of the planet, and Chinese people live on top of the planet, but we’re upside down from each other, so I can’t figure out who’s really on top.”
The rest of the trip was kind of a blur after that. As I traveled the dark, wintry country road, I tried to wrap my head around what she had just said. I’m right-side up on this side of the earth. There is probably a guy on the exact other side of the globe, driving his little troublemaker of a daughter around, considering that he, too, is right-side up. But compared to me, at that moment, he would be completely upsidedown. I can literally waste days of my life thinking about this kind of stuff.
At about this time, a Taylor Swift song had come on the radio, so after turning the volume knob up, I had time to reflect on the question at hand. (Most of you probably know which Taylor Swift song I’m talking about. It’s that one Taylor Swift song where Taylor Swift likes some boy. Yeah. That Taylor Swift song.)
Anyway, my daughter had totally and completely moved on with her life, but as for me, I was a different story. As we traveled, I kept looking at my steering wheel and imagining it was the earth. I pictured little people standing all the way around it. The top was the North Pole and the bottom was Antarctica. When I would turn a corner, I would visualize all the little imaginary people spinning around, all of them thinking that they were right-side up, even when they weren’t. It’s not always a good time inside my head.
As my little girl belted out notes of country-tinged teenage angst, I was making extra turns on the way home just to see the steering wheel go round and round. In my head, those little imaginary people were falling off left and right. Most of the imaginary population of the former Soviet Union is still lying on my floor mat. I probably drove five miles out of my way that night just trying to make sense of it all. When we got home, my daughter ran happily up the steps to the house, while I stayed slumped in the driver’s seat, a defeated man that was angry with gravity.
Since that night, I have slowly pulled my life together. But it still bugs me that a 6-year-old can turn my brain to mush with a simple little question. I’ll bet her Mom put her up to it. They’re in cahoots, you know.
You’re probably thinking to yourself right now, “I thought this guy said he was going to teach other Dads a valuable lesson about how to deal with questioning young minds. I haven’t learned a darn thing other than the fact that this guy is an idiot!”
Well, here’s the lesson to all of you fathers out there. If your cute little daughter asks if you would ever like to go into outer space with her, just say yes.
You can contact Wallace at gwallace@bcrnews.com. You can follow him on his blog at http://gregwallaceink.wordpress.com.
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