I am not a happy camper.
I turn on the weather report, and I hear some overpaid hack go on and on about how this wonderful weather is here ... and it’s going to stay for awhile.
I go to the store and am inundated by a sea of eerily white legs protruding from a sea of shorts.
I try and do something around the house, and I’m drenched in sweat.
I even went to church on Sunday, and heard God thanked for this wonderful weather!
No, I am not a happy camper.
This weather is abnormal, and I just don’t like it at all.
Do you remember March in previous years?
Coming in like a lamb and going out like a lion, or sometimes the other way around?
March should be a transition time, with snow and cold alternating with those glorious 50-degree days in which you remove a layer of clothes, feel a hint of a spring breeze, and spy the shy crocuses peeping through the melting snow.
This is not your father’s March.
I love my seasons. Yes, I’ll complain when the winter is too cold or too long, but winter is supposed to be winter. It’s supposed to snow and snow until a white blanket covers the ground all the time like it did when I was a little girl.
And spring is supposed to be spring, a series of starts and stops, but the gradually lengthening days leading us inexorably to jacket-less days, beautiful flowers and balmy breezes.
No, this is not your mother’s March.
This winter was creepy enough. I rejoiced when I got my heating bill each month, but I knew the warm weather just wasn’t right.
I celebrated when not a single planned event was ruined on account of bad weather, but it still just didn’t feel normal.
And now we have this truly freakish March. Eighty degrees, not for one glorious day to give us a taste of the warmer days to come, but day in, day out, 80 degree days. Air conditioning in stores and cars and offices, and even some sunburned cheeks.
Oh, the horror!
There’s still some debate about just what is causing the climate change we’re going through, but I don’t think there’s any doubt the weather is changing. Ice caps are melting, and polar bears are searching for a new place to call home. Drought-stricken areas are getting drier, and tornadoes are getting more violent. And goodness knows what the long-term effects could be on agriculture and sea-levels for people living in low-lying areas.
But I just know I want my March back. I want some icy winds so I can enjoy the first warm breezes. I want to open my windows just a crack to enjoy a bit of fresh air. I want to wonder whether everyone’s Easter finery will be buried under their winter coats.
I want to wonder whether April showers will really bring May flowers!
This heat can just go back where it came from. Summer will come soon enough.
BCR Staff Writer Barb Kromphardt can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.