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Greg Wallace

Herman, Mitt & Me


This country has enjoyed better times. High unemployment, skyrocketing energy prices and my daughter’s infatuation with Justin Bieber are just some of the things that citizens point to when talking about the dire straits we find ourselves in.

Are you unhappy with what America has become? I believe that through the power of the vote, people can bring about true change and make this a proud nation once again.

Because of that, I have decided to throw my hat into the political arena. I’m not talking about the presidential campaign. I really couldn’t care any less about that. All of the mean-spirited debate has made me kind of sick to my stomach. I lost interest when Herman Cain and his harem full of girlfriends dropped out of the race. He was at least interesting.

No, the election I’m talking about is much bigger than the race for president. It could affect people for decades to come in such profound ways that I tremble to dare think about it. I am, of course, talking about the “So You Wanna Be A Cartoonist” comic strip contest at The Cartoonist Studio website.

I got in this silly contest at the beginning of February. The deal was that you can enter 10 comic strips in a certain order to the website, and they would put them up for a week at a time. Then people would vote on them, and week by week for 10 weeks, contestants would be whittled down until it got down to a select few. Then a panel of judges would choose an ultimate winner. That person would get a chance to have their comic strip syndicated through the Go Comics website, which is a division of the Universal Uclick network.

Well as some of you may know, mostly my immediate family members, I have this comic strip creation titled, “Nothing is not Something” that I have messed around with off and on for the past several years. The normal order of events would consist of me sending out samples to cartoon syndicates; wait around for six to eight weeks to get my rejection slips from the aforementioned cartoon syndicates; get all angry and depressed about the lack of vision that the aforementioned cartoon syndicates possess; and then wait a few months to start the whole process over again, hoping they would see the obvious error in their ways. It had gotten to the point where I really hadn’t sent anybody anything for quite a few years.

And then I saw this silly contest online and thought I might as well try it one more time. My thinking was that I’ll enter this 10-week contest, hang around for a week or two, meet some other Charles Schulz wanna-bees, get kicked out, and continue my normal, humdrum everyday life as a crime-fighting super hero with a bad attitude. Well, that was my plan. Eight weeks ago. That’s right, there are only a couple more weeks left, and they haven’t booted me out yet. What can they possibly be thinking?

It has now gotten to the point where I kind of want to win the silly thing. Or at least try a little harder to win the silly thing. My wife has suggested that the first step would be to stop referring to the contest as a “silly thing.”

Up until now, I’ve pretty much been only annoying family members, coworkers and my Facebook friends to vote for me. I’m beginning to think that I’m going to have to annoy people on a much grander scale to have a chance at victory. So at this time, I am unleashing the power of the press. VOTE FOR ME!

Over the next two weeks, I will take on the mantle of the Cartoonist Candidate. As I start out on the campaign trail, I vow to run on a platform of squiggly lines and hilarious captions. I promise to not partake in the back-stabbing and trash-talking of my fellow competitors, even though I am clearly much smarter, more handsome and better smelling than most of those ugly, stinky, puppy-kicking, pencil-pushing hacks. I imagine that most of them have probably been in prison at one time or another. I also promise to kiss chickens and put a baby in every pot.

All that you. the American public, have to do is get online; go to The Cartoonist Studio website; go to the “So You Wanna Be A Cartoonist” contest link off of the home page; do a search for my name and/or my contestant number (126); click on the “Vote” button; submit an email address and password; and you’re done. Could this possibly be any easier?

I should probably mention that you can vote every six hours, so I expect all of you readers to basically rearrange your lives for the next couple of weeks. And you will if you really care about the future of the United States.

So I implore you to vote for me. Vote for America. We just can’t allow the funny pages to land in the hands of the Godless communists. Or Mitt Romney.

I’m Greg Wallace, and I approved this shameless commercial.

You can contact Wallace at gwallace@bcrnews.com. You can follow him on his blog at http://gregwallaceink.wordpress.com.