What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? What is it all about? These are some questions that have plagued mankind since the beginning of time. This past week, I have been continuously wrestling with my own age-old question: Who would be victorious in a battle between 100 duck-sized horses and one horse-sized duck?

This all started last week on my way home from work while I was listening to a Chicago-based sports radio station. People were calling in to talk about stupid sports arguments that had basically ruined friendships. There were the common Bears/Packers arguments and the obvious Cubs/Cardinals/White Sox quarrels. And then this guy called in saying he and his one-time best friend hadn't been on speaking terms for several years ever since the "duck-sized horse" question came up. Can you imagine getting so angry with your best buddy over such a silly, inane question? I can.

To me the answer is obvious. But in my constant quest for knowledge about the human mind and how it works, I have taken it upon myself to conduct an exhaustive scientific study to prove my deduction. I asked my wife.