My alarm clock malfunctioned this morning. It went downhill after that. You will soon see why.

I have become accustomed to waking up at precisely 5:30 a.m. to the song "Mr. Blue Sky" performed by the Electric Light Orchestra. At 5:30 a.m. and four seconds, Chubby, our family cat, jumps up on the bed and meows at me, informing me that she would like me to wake up and tend to her needs. I spend approximately the next 36 minutes and 56 seconds ignoring her.

During that time period, I hear such songs as "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry, "Rockin' at Midnight" by the Honeydrippers, "I'm Gonna Miss Her" by Brad Paisley, "Dueling Banjos" from the "Deliverance" movie soundtrack and "Freakin' at the Freaker's Ball" by Dr. Hook along with a few others.