Violence doesn't just happen to adults

Teen dating violence has become a bigger and bigger problem. Professionals suggest parents talk with their teenagers and watch for behavior that may indicate problems. (BCR photo/Kevin Marsh)

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One in five teens in a serious relationship report they have been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.

Don’t think dating violence among teens is a problem? According to information released by the United States Senate in a resolution to stop the violence, 81 percent of parents surveyed would agree with you — they believed dating violence is not an issue or admitted they did not know if it was an issue.

On Nov. 16, 2006, the U.S. Senate thought otherwise. Senators Mike Crapo of Idaho, Hilary Clinton of New York, Lisa Murkowski of Alaska, Robert Menendez of New Jersey, and Joe Lieberman of Connecticut submitted Senate Resolution 621 declaring the week of Feb. 5. through Feb. 9 as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week. The resolution was considered and agreed to.

In the three-page resolution, some disheartening statistics were revealed: Nearly 50 percent of girls surveyed who have been in a relationship worried their partner would break up with them if they did not agree to engage in sex. One in three teens in a dating relationship have feared for their physical safety.

The violence also transcends cultures: 13 percent of Hispanic teens reported that hitting a partner was permissible, and Native American women experience higher rates of interpersonal violence than any other population group.

The violence can also happen anywhere.

“I deal with (teen dating violence) everyday,” Mollie Schmelzer, juvenile advocate at Freedom House in Princeton, said. “One out of three teenagers is or has been in a violent relationship. It’s a staggering statistic, especially when you take it into a high school of 300 students and consider that 100 of them are or will be victims.”

Freedom House Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault Services works in Bureau, Henry, Marshall, Putnam and Stark counties. The center offers ongoing education and prevention information for teenagers throughout the year.

They offer one-time presentations for high schools and junior highs on sexual harassment, dating violence and sexual assault. According to Schmelzer, they recently finished one of the programs at Stark County High School at the end of January.

Schmelzer said she deals with misconceptions about teen dating violence everyday.

“People look at teenagers, and say, ‘Oh it’s just puppy love. They’re too young to understand what a real relationship is, and they don’t look at the fact this victim is being hurt.’ They think it will just blow over, and they’ll learn how to have a proper relationship later,” she said.

“What they don’t realize is if we don’t teach them now what a good healthy relationship is, they’re never going to learn, and they’re going to continue to be victims,” she added.

Terry Madsen, unit educator for youth development at the University of Illinois Extension Office, said information on teen dating violence will be passed out at the Extension booth at the North Central Illinois Home and Lifestyle Expo this weekend.

Madsen said they’re hoping to start a new program in the fall, focusing on the issues facing younger teens including teen dating, physical and substance abuse.

Schmelzer said the most difficult part of her job is getting people to realize dating violence is as serious as domestic violence among adults and married couples.

Thirty percent of murdered teenage females are murdered by a former boyfriend or a boyfriend, which is the same statistic for adult women, she said.

“It’s just as serious, and it’s just as devastating to teenagers as it is to adults. Just getting that message across is very difficult,” she said.

Warning signs for parents

• Since your teen started dating this person, they’ve dropped school activities important to them.

• Since he’s been dating her, your son’s grades have begun to fail.

• You see sudden, uncharacteristic changes in your daughter’s clothing or make-up that only began after she started dating him.

• Since your teen has been seeing this person, you’ve noticed a change in their body language: Slouching, biting fingernails, nervousness, little or no eye contact.

• You see constant bruises, notice other signs of injury, or damaged personal property, and your teenager’s explanations seem out of place or don’t make sense.

• Your son’s girlfriend has an extraordinary influence on his behavior and decisions.

• Your teen is not eating, not talking, and not acting as they normally would.

• You notice sudden changes in your teenager’s mood or personality since they began dating this person. They have a constant bad temper and emotional outbursts.

Warning signs for teens

• He tells you he can’t live without you.

• She blames you for her problems.

• He breaks or hits things to intimidate you.

• Your weight, appearance or grades have changed dramatically since you started seeing this person.

• He threatens to hurt himself or others if you break up with him.

• The person you are dating acts jealously, says jealous things or exhibits aggressive behaviors toward you.

• He pressures you into having sex, or forces you to do sexual things you don’t want to do by saying, “If you really loved me you would ...”

• The person you are dating slaps or shoves you in a seemingly playful way, but it happens often and doesn’t seem right.

Source: American Bar Association, National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative, 2006