Looking for backbones

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The mother and her children were standing in line in front of me at the grocery store. The boy, maybe 13 or 14 years old, looked extremely bored. The girl, probably 4 or 5 years old, had the remnants of tears on her cheeks.

“When we get home, I’d like you to mow the lawn right away,” said the mother to her son.

The boy rolled his eyes and appeared not to be listening.

“Do you hear me?” the mother asked.

“Loud and clear,” said the boy in a sarcastic tone. “But I’m not going to mow the lawn right now. I’m supposed to go over to Michael’s house. I already told him I’d come.”

Nobody spoke for a minute or two. Finally, the mother sighed heavily before speaking again.

“Well, if I can get your sister down for a nap, I’ll mow the lawn,” she said.

Hearing those words, the little girl began to cry again.

“I don’t want to take a nap,” the child wailed, tears rolling quickly down her cheeks. “I’m not going to take a nap. I don’t want to take a nap, and you can’t make me do it.” The child stomped her foot to emphasize her words.

“OK, OK,” the mother said quickly. “You don’t have to take a nap. Stop crying now. Nobody is going to make you take a nap.”

The tears immediately subsided.

This isn’t the first time I’ve watched a parent struggle with his/her children, and I’m sure it won’t be the last. We’ve all been witness to kids who act up in public. And I’m sure when I was a child, I did my share of acting up as well.

But as times change, the one thing I’ve frequently noticed is the way children speak to their parents nowadays. In many instances, I’ve overheard children tell their parents what they’re going to do — almost as if parents don’t have a say in the matter at all. That bothers me. While I may have been sassy, I would have never dreamed of telling my elders what I was going to do, when I was going to do it, and how it was going to be done. It just never happened. Unfortunately, I’m thinking that those days are long gone.

I know life is different now, but when did we give children the ability to control their own comings and goings? More importantly, why did we transfer that responsibility onto a child? And when did we start giving children the right to speak to adults like they were peers, instead of giving adults the respect they deserve? How ... when ... why did that happen?

I don’t have the answer to these questions, but what I have noticed is some parents shirking their responsibilities. Instead of being a strong parental figure, they appear more as a friend to their child. They walk around issues, not wanting their child to get angry. They measure every word, like something they say might not sit right with their offspring. Instead of jumping in there and being a parent, they let things slide — hoping that little Johnnie or Susie won’t hold the discipline against them. What the heck!

Kids don’t need friends. They already have friends. What kids need today are parents, parents with a backbone — two of them. A mom and a dad to help them through the tough times, laugh with them in the good times, and above all, to teach them how to be responsible young people with good manners, appropriate behavior and sound morals and ethics. That’s what kids need. There will be plenty of time to be friends later on, but when children are young, they need parenting.

On top of all that, I don’t think kids want their parents to be their friends. I truly think down deep inside kids want their parents to be parents. Nothing more ... nothing less.

 Terri Simon is the editor of the Bureau County Republican. She can be reached at tsimon@bcrnews.com.